Sun and the Wind

Sun and the Wind

As an NVR practitioner, I’m always interested in new ways to give a taste of NVR to parents and supporters.  Recently I’ve had a lot of success with using an Aesop’s Fable, which with a little artistic licence I’ve augmented, to simplistically illustrate some of the fundamental principles of NVR.

The Sun and Wind get into an argument about who is more powerful and finally they agree that the only way to settle to matter is to have a competition.  The wind suggests that the winner should be the one who can remove the cape from the lonely shepherd, tending his flock on the nearby hill, the quickest.

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I Am My Own Case Study…

I Am My Own Case Study…

I have recently signed up for the accreditation module of the NVR training. when I read about the case study element, I wondered which area to focus on, but ultimately settled on my use of the NVR approach in communication with my child’s school. So, in effect, I am my own case study if you like.

When my eldest son started nursery, his difficulties weren’t obvious. He was only three, recently placed with us and still in the ‘honeymoon’ phase where he was actively people pleasing, though we didn’t recognise this as such at the time. Nursery went smoothly, he was able to keep up with educational and social aspects of school life and all was well. Reception went similarly, though we started suspecting he had more difficulties than we initially thought. We asked for help from the adoption agency and were allocated a therapist and post adoption social worker, who are both still very much part of our support network around him, three years on.

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Becoming an Accredited NVR Practitioner… Sarah’s story

Becoming an Accredited NVR Practitioner… Sarah’s story

I came to the Accreditation Module in Autumn 2021 some 3 years after I had completed my Advanced Level training and Certification in NVR practice through PartnershipProjects.  I loved NVR and had been privileged in the preceding 7 years to journey from the Foundation Level, with my two colleagues in the Leeds Adoption Support team, through to the Advanced Certification level.

Together, in those early days, the three of us grew our passion, knowledge and confidence in the NVR principles and practised this with the multi-challenged families in our Adoption Support Service. We worked individually with families and progressed to develop a 12-week parent coaching group with the families struggling with high levels of violence and control from their children and young people.

I remember how much we talked and explored all our thoughts, ideas, and NVR practices. We made mistakes and offered continued support to each other and the families we worked with, to resist such challenges.  The changes they experienced within their relationships were remarkable.

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Imagine…

Imagine…

Throughout my NVR journey, I’ve been intrigued by how the power of the imagination can support my parenting. Can I reimagine my position as a parent and see the connection with my child strengthened? I’m curious and with the support of our NVR practitioner, have begun to explore some simple imaginary techniques.

Recalling a happy or peaceful time with my child after a challenging episode reminds me that life is not always difficult. It helps to ease a way through and aid recovery and rebalance following times of conflict and disruption. Holding onto the sense that, this too will pass. 

Thinking forwards to mentally rehearse a future interaction that I anticipate might be difficult enables me to approach that moment with greater confidence. By slowing down this interaction or conversation I can give attention to how I will respond, my words, body language and facial expression. Somehow this process creates a sense of purpose within me and sets an intention about how I want to connect with my child and how I want them to see me as the parent.

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Using NVR in the context of self-harm and suicide by children and young people (CYP)

Using NVR in the context of self-harm and suicide by children and young people (CYP)

I recently attended the PartnershipProjects NVR Accreditation Module.  The course is organised around each participant presenting an aspect of their NVR practice to the group.  The presentation is followed by reflections and questions from the group facilitators, and then group participants. For my presentation I shared my NVR practice working with parents of children who self-harm or are suicidal.

My search for NVR literature on this topic located only one article which was by Haim Omer and Dan Dulberger, ‘Helping Parents Cope with Suicide Threats: An Approach Based on Nonviolent Resistance, Family Process 54:559–575, 2015’.   In this blog I share some of the key ideas from this article that struck a chord with me and were used in my NVR practice.

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Ways of Talking with Parents

Ways of Talking with Parents

In a recent blog for this website, I talked about the early stages of NVR therapy with parents, focussing on the common factors in therapy as a means of assisting newly trained NVR practitioners to value their existing skills and abilities alongside their newer NVR training. I am involved with training many practitioners at Foundation level NVR and then continue to support a significant number through more Advanced training and sometimes act as a supervisor. I often get asked questions around how to introduce NVR to parents and how to distil the ideas into simple, understandable, manageable concepts. I think this is where a therapist’s own creativity is to be encouraged. I enjoy very much when practitioners in training are asked to devise their own NVR ‘maps’ for example. We trainers at PPUK have seen so many great imaginative ‘maps’ where practitioners have put the NVR concepts into pictures and words that encapsulate the key principles and methods so beautifully.

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Navigating pregnancy and birth from an NVR position

Navigating pregnancy and birth from an NVR position

I want to open this reflective piece with a disclaimer…I am not a specialist; I do not have any professional training or qualifications in the arenas of navigating pregnancy and birth. Nor am I an “expert” in becoming a parent, if anything, my own experiences have led me to the conclusion that this does not exist. The following is a reflective account of my own experience of traversing pregnancy and the safe delivery of my beautiful baby boy, shared through the lenses and privileges of my own Social GRACES, on the off chance that someone else may find it helpful. It is about how I believe that my experiences of NVR have coloured and shaped my internal and external worlds, which positively impacted my pregnancy and birth.  At its core it is about my belief that NVR is a psyche, and my curiosity about the potential for a movement where there were opportunities to learn about and experience the NVR position in the relationships, we share with ourselves and our own worlds before it is “needed” in our relationships with others. 

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Accreditation Module… A Review

Accreditation Module… A Review

My experience of completing the Accreditation Module in NVR has been both enriching and inspiring.

As a clinical psychologist working in children’s social care, I was struck by the levels of violence and controlling behaviours within the context of child-parent relationships.  I felt out of my depth and turned to NVR with healthy scepticism and hope.  I have not since turned back – except when reflecting of course 😉

To me, it has always felt intuitive and necessary to take account of relational dynamics when working towards contextualised understandings of difficulty or distress.  It is therefore perhaps not surprising that within both my individual practice and wider systems work, NVR has become my most valued position from which to influence and resist.

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Scooting to School

Scooting to School

This morning my son and I scooted to school together – him on his scooter, me on mine. As we reach the busy main road, we wait together to cross and then chat happily for the rest of the way until parting company at the school gates. It was a calm, safe journey where he was regulated and content. On my way home, I celebrated this as a win – inwardly smiling at his confidence and the connection we shared.

Casting my mind back a year ago, I recall a school run where at the same busy main road, he hadn’t responded to my instruction to wait and pushed out into the road on his scooter. I put my arm out to keep him safe. Eventually we crossed safely and made it to school. Reflecting back there was a distinct lack of safety and perhaps even a ‘disconnect’ in our relationship.

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Love Is Not Enough?

Love Is Not Enough?

I always knew being a parent would be about sacrifice and patience, about giving, and about providing for my child.

My love provides the setting and context for my child to learn, grow and flourish to develop in a loving, caring and nurturing home.  I provide the space in my home and in my life.  Physical and practical things like the bedroom, the clothes, the toys, tasty food, the early mornings, the broken nights, clearing the snot and the poo…and then creating memories, first events, days out, holidays and safe learning through exploring and boundary setting.  

What if with all of this, the child still struggles to engage in the way I had expected, or engage at all, or even rejects it.  What else can my love provide?

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TESTIMONIALS

Saying thank you just doesn’t seem enough

Firstly, I just wanted to put in an email what I said today. Saying thank you just doesn’t seem enough. I don’t know if you will ever understand just how much you have helped and

from an NVR Mum

Incredibly useful

It has all been incredibly useful and very interesting. I was apprehensive about it being on zoom for three days – but it hasn’t affected the quality of training at all.

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Excellent Training

Gentle reflective pace, warmth, humanity and humility of presenters. Clear but not prescriptive explanation of the model. Excellent training. Thankyou. I just want my whole team to do the training now!

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

I enjoyed all of it

To be honest all of it. I like the structure in terms of setting up a routine for breaks and lunch and the interactive style, especially getting to practice aspects such as silence, sit-ins, etc.

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

I really liked

Hearing clinical examples of how the techniques had been applied with parents the facilitators had worked with, including examples where it had been more tricky or difficult, or taken more time for the parent to

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

I really liked

I liked the pairs/ threes break out groups rather than always a bigger break out group. I liked the time taken to explain the principles and values of the approach

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

It was well paced and inclusive.

It was well paced and inclusive. trainers were very knowledgeable and experienced and had a warm approach. First time i have felt comfortable doing a role play

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Really excellent course.

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

I really enjoyed

I really enjoyed this training and i feel i will be able to share my knowledge confidently

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Loved the three days

Loved the three days. The pace was fantastic and so well pitched. Excellent, knowledgeable and engaging trainers. Plenty of tools added to my practice toolkit.

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Thank you very much

Thank you very much, I very much would like to proceed with the course programme and different trainings offered 🙂

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

The trainers were really knowledgeable and engaging

The trainers were really knowledgeable and engaging. Had personal and professional experience that was really helpful. Although the role play and break out rooms felt a bit awkward at first the trainers allowed relationships and

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Useful and informative

Thank you very much. A really useful and informative training. Definitely lots I can take away to use in my practice, and the experiential tasks have made me feel more confident in doing so.

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Really enjoyed

I have really enjoyed the course and I have learned so much from others on the course. The tutors were knowledgable , friendly and I look forward to more training

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Amazing

I think it has been amazing and I can’t wait to put it into practice

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

Really enjoyed

Really enjoyed the three days and excited about trying some NVR techniques

Participant, Online NVR Foundation Level

A brilliant two days!

Participant, Advanced Level NVR Training

Love NVR and PP’s incredible trainers

Participant, Advanced Level NVR Training

Rachael, Jackie and Michele are all brilliant practitioners

This is a really good group. It has such an impact on the quality of the learning and I fell very lucky to be with such open, friendly, generous people. Rachael, Jackie and Michele are

Participant, Advanced Level NVR Training

Incredible and stood out

I found that this training was so incredible and stood out as having the capacity to make the learning accessible to all different type of learning styles, giving people the opportunity to read, to practice,

Participant, Advanced Level NVR Training

Many thanks again for the course

I have felt much more relaxed in my parenting and feel like I am slowly able to find again that sense of being the mum I would like to be. That is precious to me!

Leeds Parent, Online Parent Seminar Participant

It was fantastic – the best training I’ve been on.

Trainers were knowledgeable and the ability to help us think reflectively was fantastic. So relevant. Well delivered. I’ve never done role play in such a connective way.  

Training Participant - Foundation Level
Leeds 2020

What an incredible few days together.

“What an incredible few days together – it was such a privilege listening to the inspirational presentations from everyone. It was wonderful to spend time together immersed in NVR thinking”.

Ruth Eden, Family and Systemic Psychotherapist.
Warwickshire County Council

“I never fail to be amazed with the inspiration and motivation gained on PartnershipProjects courses.

“I never fail to be amazed with the inspiration and motivation gained on PartnershipProjects courses. Thank you for sharing ideas and passion with me and for inspiring me continuously”.  

Kim Higgins
Team Manager Warwickshire County Council

I am the go to NVR worker due to this comprehensive training program

Oliver Nash
; Family Worker; Family Solutions; Essex County Council

Your training style was very engaging, and you had a lot of patience with the group.

Hi, this is Caroline from the training. Wanted to feedback that it was fantastic training, I feel inspired to change my own parenting as well as empowering other adoptive parents to develop their own NV

Caroline Stirk - Adoption Social Worker

The course was brilliant

The course was brilliant thank you – we all absolutely love it, learnt so much and have come back to work feeling all inspired! Best wishes.

Ruth Eden
Family & Systemic Psychotherapist

Anonymous, Netherlands

I wanted to thank you for the two days of training in the Netherlands.

Anonymous
Netherlands

Really enjoyed the training. Its something that will stay with me.

Hi Racheal, A huge thanks for the last 3 days-really enjoyed the training. Its something that will stay with me. I am now a follower. You were brilliant and should be proud. not only do

Chan Singh
RISE MUTUAL London

NVR is a highly regarded practice amongst clinicians and parents.

NVR is a highly regarded practice amongst clinicians and parents as per the high number of referrals we receive and the positive feedback from parents. The highest percentage of referrals is for C&YP with a

Dr Diana Alvis Palma - Consultant Family Therapist
Birmingham CAMHS

Our relationships are stronger and violence including self violence has decreased.

We approached Peter Jakob as a consultant clinical psychologist to support our residential childcare organisation. At the time we knew nothing about Non Violent Resistance (NVR). The therapeutic approach underpinning our work with young people

Kerry Shoesmith
Anderida

It’s completely changed my life and my children’s lives.

Just wanted to drop you a message to let you know how the NVR is going… It’s going exceptionally well! It’s completely changed my life and my children’s lives. I’ve been practising for almost 3

Maddie
A Parent

Get in touch!

If you have attended any of our training / workshops or used NVR in any capacity and would like to provide us with a review / testimonial we would love to hear from you. Get in touch here.

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