Teachers in loco-parentis isn’t as easy as it sounds. Taking on a new approach to the traditional NVR (Non-Violent Resistance) concepts and adapting the tools to be used in the ever-changing dynamics of the education system.
Have you ever had a teacher who made a positive impact on you that you remember to this day?
Our family was referred to PartnershipProjects because we were at a loss to know what to do with our teen son. Because of a severely stressful family problem, he turned from being a generally happy teen to becoming increasingly depressed, anxious and finally violent. He was shutting himself off, stopping going to school, addicted to screens, swearing at us, and wall punching. We were treading on eggshells.
How does it feel, I wonder, to come to meet with someone like me, an NVR Therapist working in a CAMHS service, when your child is putting themselves at risk, acting in controlling and out of control ways and undermining your wishes for them as a parent in every way?
How much courage does it take to come to another “Parenting Course” and to open yourself up to meet with another stranger who is going to tell you how to manage your child when you know that other courses you have been sent on haven’t worked?
When I think about NVR, I imagine it to be a tree that grows and flourishes over many years.
The Roots: One of the main factors that has allowed me to fully embrace NVR in my thinking and my practice is that the principles of NVR are at the core roots of our team’s ethos and in the set-up and delivery of our offer within Children’s Social Care. At the heart of this are the relationships we have built within our team that are wise, caring, nurturing, compassionate and supportive. We hope to emulate these values with our colleagues and the teams we support, and which supports us to grow and hold presence within our team and with colleagues that we support.
After working for Children’s Social Care for more than 15 years and working with families in crisis, I joined Alder Hey in 2019 as a Mental Health Practitioner.
I had no idea of what NVR entailed, but had taken cases to supervision and been advised that this family needs NVR a few times, and so when the opportunity to attend the foundation training appeared, I grabbed it. Since then, I have incorporated principles of NVR in most of my interventions, whether it be with parents or groups or even with colleagues.
I chose this journey because this was very close to me, working with children in residential care. Throughout this journey with Non-Violent Resistance (NVR), I had to navigate myself into many positions between the young person, family and my colleagues while also being their anchor and their safe space. I felt very central not only to the support of the young person but also her mum, my team and myself.
As part of my work in an NHS Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS), I frequently work with families where self-harm and self-destructive behaviour is present for the young person. This blog looks at how Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) ideas can be used to resist harm, increase safety and increase parent/ carer confidence in maintaining presence in the face of self-harm.
Unaccompanied Asylum-Seeking Children often known as UASC or separated young people have faced and experienced significant trauma, uncertainty, and separation from their families and what they have known. They require an environment that enables them to feel safe, calm, connected, in control and hopeful. This needs a staff team that also feels this. I have been working alongside a supported living agency that provides care to many UASC young people. We wanted to consider a model that met all their emotional needs whilst respecting their journeys, culture and values.
NVR has become a cornerstone of trauma-focused services, addressing challenging behaviours and building resilience (Omer, 2004). It aligns seamlessly with trauma-informed, non-shaming, and relational approaches by prioritising connection, respect, and parental emotional regulation. Moving away from punitive behavioural models, NVR fosters collaboration and understanding, focusing on self-regulation rather than control of others. Its inte gration has profoundly transformed residential care in Hertfordshire Children’s Services.
By the time a family arrives at a practitioner’s door to consider an NVR intervention (Non-Violent Resistance), more often than not difficult dynamics have grown over an extended period of time until breaking point has been reached. Being faced with highly complex circumstances and the desperation of a family, even an experienced practitioner can at times feel overwhelmed. A wise colleague of mine said the following to me when I shared my fear that I may end up joining parents in their helplessness and sense of erasure:
“When you are a mouse that is trying to shift an elephant, it is good to know which way the elephant is heading anyway”
