It has helped us to understand how our actions and words affect how our daughter reacts to things. If we step back, think about what she is experiencing, change how we respond to her, and move away from how we think we or she ought to behave, we can manage escalations more effectively. The delayed response technique is very helpful with this. We now appreciate that we need to look after ourselves and allow ourselves time to calm down, reset and recuperate. We should be less hard on ourselves and forgive ourselves if things don’t go well. It is ok to do this. It is acceptable to resist behaviours and give yourself a chance to be the kind of parent you want to be. It is also acceptable to ask others for help and not feel ashamed. We do not have to this on our own and this will help to give our daughter the same message that it is perfectly ok to ask for help when you need it.
It has certainly made an impact on our quality of life, as a family and as individuals. Although problems still arise they are fewer and do not escalate in the same way, if at all. We have found ways to manage conflict; to prepare (anticipate) for it; and recover from it if necessary. We are learning to work as a team and support each other with NVR techniques to help to manage escalations and reduce physical reactions from
our daughter. Our message of resistance and what is not acceptable is slowly getting through. We recognise that it will take time for us to master the techniques we have been taught but understand that baby steps are fine. We will continue to practise the techniques and will proceed with the announcement letter when we feel we are sufficiently consistent to follow our pledges. It is helpful to have this drawn up and
know what we are working towards.
