We had become insular from our wider family and friends, embarrassed of letting others know just how challenging we were finding parenting through our sons constant challenging behaviours both within and outside our home.
One practice that has helped us is the Announcement letter. This is calmly stating a couple of the significant behaviours that we won’t accept from our sons anymore. Letting our sons know without arguing or getting pulled into conflict that things will change, that we will stay calm, we will not shout but also we will not keep things secret and enrol the help of supporters were appropriate.
I am also finding the checklists really useful, it provides a reminder of the NVR tools and has helped me to identify my own areas in which I can improve or were I feel more vulnerable to escalation rather than managing de-escalation.
I would absolutely recommend NVR and Sarah and Tom as course facilitators. They are empathic and you feel they come with a lot of experience, both personally and through their work with other parents.
NVR isn’t a magic wand but it does provide common sense practical parenting tools that help restore your confidence as an adoptee parent and support you in feeling less alone. It’s helped restore some calm, connection, and hope back into our family.
My only wish for other adoptee parents through Kent Social Services is that NVR training in some format be provided to adoptee parents before it gets to a stage of last resort!
