As a Trauma Practice Lead and trainee systemic psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience working with children and families, my approach is rooted in the Social GRACES framework (Burnham, 1993). Recognising my privileges as a white, neurodiverse, cisgender male has enriched my reflexivity and empathy, enabling me to better support marginalised children and families. Discovering Non-Violent Resistance (NVR) has transformed my understanding and practice, shaping how I embed its principles within trauma-informed services to foster connection, resilience, and relational safety.
NVR has become a cornerstone of trauma-focused services, addressing challenging behaviours and building resilience (Omer, 2004). It aligns seamlessly with trauma-informed, non-shaming, and relational approaches by prioritising connection, respect, and parental emotional regulation. Moving away from punitive behavioural models, NVR fosters collaboration and understanding, focusing on self-regulation rather than control of others. Its integration has profoundly transformed residential care in Hertfordshire Children’s Services.
Merging NVR and Trauma-Informed Care
The ARC Specialist Service’s mission is to integrate trauma-informed principles with NVR practices, building safety and resilience for children in outreach and residential care. We foster trust and relational safety by focusing on connection before correction, raising parental presence, and reconciliation gestures. These strategies require patience, clarity, and leadership support to drive systemic change.
Fundamental NVR principles include striking when the iron is cold—addressing issues after emotions have settled—and “sit with’s,” developed by Weinblatt (2022), where parents remain present with their child during distress, fostering co-regulation. Announcements provide reassurance by affirming love and commitment while clarifying staff and parental actions. These trauma-informed practices avoid shame and blame, instead fostering relationships and resilience.
Transformative Practices and Success Stories
NVR’s impact is evident in reduced incidents and strengthened relationships. One young person shared that keeping an NVR announcement under her pillow helped her feel loved and understood, reducing self-harm. Parents in NVR groups report positive changes at home, such as one parent who gained confidence in managing her son’s aggressive behaviours, resulting in a stronger bond and a calmer household.
Reconciliation gestures, such as small acts of kindness, restore trust and foster connection among children, families, and staff. Parents and staff also learn the importance of self-care, recognising that their well-being directly affects their ability to support children.
Supporting Staff and Sustaining Change
The success of NVR relies on robust staff support. Individual and group supervision for NVR leads, reflective practice groups, and workshops ensure teams remain confident and cohesive. Self-care is prioritised, enabling staff to sustain their commitment and energy. Reflective practices help them stay aligned with NVR’s values of presence, empathy, and persistence.
Looking Ahead
Our vision includes expanding NVR across Hertfordshire, developing the SPACE Program (Lebowitz et al., 2018), training ambassador parents, and gathering feedback from children in care. Inspired by Lubienski and Jakob’s (2020) mantra, we aim to “lead the horse around the lake until it is ready to drink,” embedding NVR in every interaction and focusing on resistance, persistence, hope, and resilience.
By reshaping care through NVR, we aim to build a future where every child and family feels supported, understood, and empowered to thrive.
Written by David Toland,
Family & Systemic Psychotherapist
Trauma Practice Lead
ARC Services
NVR Association (NVRA) Accredited Practitioner
Accreditation Module Participant, 2024
References
– Burnham, J. (1993). Social GRACES: A framework for understanding the diversity of relationships in systemic practice.
– Lebowitz ER, Shimshoni Y. The SPACE program, a parent-based treatment for childhood and adolescent OCD: The case of Jasmine. Bull Menninger Clin. 2018 Fall;82(4):266-287. doi: 10.1521/bumc.2018.82.4.266. PMID: 30589579.
– Omer, H. (2004). Nonviolent Resistance: A New Approach to Violent and Self-Destructive Children.
– Lubienski, J. and Jakob, P. (2020). You can lead a horse to water…. Available at: https://www.partnershipprojectsuk.com/you-can-lead-a-horse-to-water-by-jill-lubienski-and-peter-jakob/ (Accessed: 17/11/24).
– Weinblatt, U. (2022). Contactivity: NVR Interventions for Overcoming Avoidance. London: Karnac Books.
