In the group, we cover a whole session on supporters. Parents can consider the role of support and what makes a good supporter, for example; being non-judgemental; able to regulate themselves, generally open and warm etc. We encourage the group to invite any supporters they hold in mind to come along to a 90-minute evening Zoom session to get an overview of NVR and ideas about how they could offer help to their family member, friend, neighbour or someone they are working with.
The Multi-Family NVR Supporter sessions are partly based on the format of a supporter session as outlined in the NVR Advanced training. Some of the NVR group attendees share their experiences of their distress or the challenging behaviours of their children and how this has impacted their wellbeing. Supporters are then invited to comment. Parents may share how NVR has helped them and again supporters can reflect, comment or ask questions. This interaction facilitates a greater understanding of the stress and strain of parenting young people who are neurodiverse, have mental health issues, struggle with school, violence or risky behaviours, and also the strength, care and expertise of the parents as they have practised NVR on top of the expertise they already had as parents who are parenting in challenging circumstances.
We then share an overview of NVR ideas and practices, the range of supporter roles and some specific ideas about how supporters can help including reaching out in loving and kind ways, we explore how the Campaign of Concern is used, reconciliation gestures, being a supporter for a troubled child or their siblings, amplifying the parental voice, using non-blameful language and prompting their friend or relative or neighbour to persist with NVR and their self-care.
We were a bit hesitant about this development at first, we didn’t know who would attend and how it would turn out. However, two years down the line we have found this a helpful way to promote supporter networks and we have received positive feedback about the sessions from parents and their supporters. One grandmother emailed me the day after the session to say “I had stopped speaking to my grandson due to all the trouble he caused but now I have reached out to him again”. Many parents have reported more care and concern from families and friends, specific acts of support, as well as some amazing neighbours who have then been present and supportive during incidences that happen in family homes.
Typically, only about half of NVR parents attending our groups invite supporters along, however many of these invite multiple supporters. We do continue to offer individual family supporter sessions targeted at families who are open to services. As I have grown in my understanding of NVR I can see how breaking the silence about family members’ experiences, and building an understanding of NVR within networks around families helps to keep families strong, and focussed on wellbeing, and provides a sense of belonging within a caring community.
Written by
Saf Cooper,
Parenting Supervisor
South Bristol Families in Focus
Accreditation Module Participant, 2023
