The NVR Journal by PartnershipProjects

It has been such a journey for us working with Julie and I do find it incredible how much our lives have changed over that time because of NVR. We were in a very dark and lonely place when we were first introduced to NVR and I could see no way out. We were at a very serious risk of family breakdown and every strategy that other professionals had given us  failed. NVR has really saved our family and I would recommend any family to take on board the strategies of NVR. We both use the strategies everyday and not just with our family either. Things are continuing to improve at home and any difficulties are being dealt with ,by all of us, in a much more calmer and effective manner ( the NVR way)!

Really engaging Trainers. The way they reframed my thinking as a practitioner, steering me away from the conventional child-centred thinking and more toward empowering the parent as a way to encourage/create a behaviour shifts in the child! Absolutely mind-blowing!

Firstly, I just wanted to put in an email what I said today. Saying thank you just doesn’t seem enough. I don’t know if you will ever understand just how much you have helped and changed our family. We really were at crisis point when like Mary Poppins you came to us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to us, not judging us, giving us a safe place to talk openly, giving us permission to feel the way that we were feeling. The support, guidance and training has been incredible.  We feel very lucky that you were given to us at a time when we needed it the most! THANK YOU!!!!’

To be honest all of it. I like the structure in terms of setting up a routine for breaks and lunch and the interactive style, especially getting to practice aspects such as silence, sit-ins, etc. I like the idea of parental presence and will immediately use that idea myself.

Hearing clinical examples of how the techniques had been applied with parents the facilitators had worked with, including examples where it had been more tricky or difficult, or taken more time for the parent to understand or be ready to apply the ideas. Watching the demonstrations of the facilitators role-playing the techniques. Discussing and practicing the ideas in break out rooms.

The trainers were really knowledgeable and engaging. Had personal and professional experience that was really helpful. Although the role play and break out rooms felt a bit awkward at first the trainers allowed relationships and familiarity to be built between course attendees which reduced the awkwardness over the days.

This is a really good group. It has such an impact on the quality of the learning and I fell very lucky to be with such open, friendly, generous people. Rachael, Jackie and Michele are all brilliant practitioners, not only delivering great content but are demonstrably embodying NVR throughout the day. They facilitate brilliantly and I didn’t want the days to end – which for me is a very positive indicator of the quality of the training. Everyone took part right until the end.

I found that this training was so incredible and stood out as having the capacity to make the learning accessible to all different type of learning styles, giving people the opportunity to read, to practice, to speak, to question, to challenge, to bring it back to their work, to think about how to maintain it in their work… all in a calming and relaxing environment, well done to all the trainers

Hi, this is Caroline from the training. Wanted to feedback that it was fantastic training, I feel inspired to change my own parenting as well as empowering other adoptive parents to develop their own NV presence with their children. Spent last night talking to my husband about what I learnt and how we can develop our parenting. Your training style was very engaging, and you had a lot of patience with the group. I don’t see how anyone couldn’t agree with the NVR approach. Thank you again.  

Hi Racheal, A huge thanks for the last 3 days-really enjoyed the training. Its something that will stay with me. I am now a follower. You were brilliant and should be proud. not only do you have great hair but you are a true NVR professional and a fantastic trainer. Hopefully see you for the final day in May. Chan Singh RISE MUTUAL London

NVR is a highly regarded practice amongst clinicians and parents as per the high number of referrals we receive and the positive feedback from parents. The highest percentage of referrals is for C&YP with a combination of neurodevelopmental, behavioural and attachment conditions who live in multi-stressed environments; definitely this is the therapeutic option when the C&YP do not wish to engage with the service. Positive outcomes include: improvement in the relationship between parents and C&YP, reduction of aggression between siblings, reduction and prevention of escalation, improvement of family relationships, reduction of risk behaviours and violence in the family; more engagement of extended family, parents and teachers as well as parents feeling more hopeful and confident of their own abilities. Clinicians describe how the approach has had the effect of restoring the strengths, resources and abilities not only within families but also within and between clinicians and has mobilised difficult and challenging situations into productive direct actions. Dr Diana Alvis Palma Consultant Family Therapist, Birmingham CAMHS

We approached Peter Jakob as a consultant clinical psychologist to support our residential childcare organisation. At the time we knew nothing about Non Violent Resistance (NVR). The therapeutic approach underpinning our work with young people was and remains Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Whilst CBT is an excellent model for helping the team to understand young people difficulties and motivations it did little for those young people who were not ready to except help. Working with young people who were entrenched in harmful and often violent patterns of behaviour, who were also rejecting our care, was painful for them and demoralising for the team. This is where NVR really transformed our service. It gave the staff a variety of interventions underpinned by strong principles to resist violence and harmful behaviour. In recruiting the community around the young person to resist harm and reconcile, rather than attempting to control, our relationships are stronger and violence including self violence has decreased. Through our use of NVR supported by PartnershipsProjects supervision and training, we have successfully enabled young people who’s trauma had left them feeling hopeless, worthless and angry to develop real ambition, sustain meaningful relationships and focus on a preferred future. Kerry Shoesmith

Just wanted to drop you a message to let you know how the NVR is going… It’s going exceptionally well! It’s completely changed my life and my children’s lives. I’ve been practising for almost 3 months now, and the changes are very noticeable. Tom (the 10 year old) has come on enormously. He is actually able to be self-reflective about his behaviour when he does lose his temper, and explain how he could have reacted differently (this was previously unheard of – his anger was always justified, and always someone else’s fault). He’s currently in the process of beginning to accept when he has behaved inappropriately and then make decisions about how he could possibly react in the future in a similar situation. He still occasionally kicks off, but it’s gone from daily to once every 3 or 4 weeks. He still annoys the 2 year old and his brother, but he is able to stop doing this when I raise my presence. He has started APOLOGISING when he’s done something like this and always without prompting! Literally never happened before! Dan (the 11 year old) has just started senior school and has now taken over from Tom as being the one who acts out the most and seems hell bent on pushing Tom’s resolve and trying to get him into a physical fight. He does have a lot on his plate dealing with a big change, and clearly feels insecure about his place in the world. His behaviour has made me realise they are always – and have always been – competing with each other to either be the best child or the worst child. I’m spending time with him in the evenings after Tom has gone to bed talking through his feelings and doing kind of ‘mini announcements’ about violence of any form being unacceptable. He is very self-aware and feels more empathy than Tom so this is working at the moment. I also whatsapp him messages of reconciliation throughout the day when he’s at school. Amy (the 2 year old Tasmanian Devil) is now staying in bed at bed time AND sleeping through the night in her own bed. This is beyond a miracle. We negotiated an agreement where I sit in her room by the door for 5 minutes after I say good night, and then come back to check on her every 5 minutes – provided she stays in bed. It’s changed everything and we are now both getting a lot more sleep and are consequently a lot happier. She is also trying really hard not to shout and scream about what she wants but to ask nicely, and think about how shouting upsets other people. But she’s 2 so, you know, this doesn’t always sit well with her, and she still has the occasional meltdown and makes herself sick. As I can’t even remember when the last one of these was, I think it’s safe to say she’s getting there. I read a quotation by Haim Omar where he said Presence and Prevent Escalation are really 2 sides of the same coin. I asked a friend of mine who is a jeweller to make me a silver bracelet with a small disc on it engraved with a P on one side and PE on the other. I wear this every day and rub the disc frantically as if it’s a talisman on days when it’s all going wrong and I want to scream at them all (fortunately these days are now few and far between). Sorry this was longer than I intended, but I just wanted to let you know the difference it has made to our lives. I even got my mother to just sit quietly and raise her presence with them instead. She loved how effective it was! Thank you for the enormous change in myself, which has brought about such a welcome change in my children and our lives. (*names have been changed to protect identity)